Laughter For The Heart & Soul

The other day, I came across some pretty funny stuff... I don't know why, but I feel compelled to share some of it with you. (I suppose, so you can all laugh as I did, as I don't do much laughing these days...) Laughing is healthy, so try to do as much of it as possible.

Check these out, and have yourself a little chuckle:

(These are actual laws, believe it or not:)

*In Macomb, Illinois, it's illegal for a car to impersonate a wolf.

*In Rumford, Maine, it's against the law to bite your landlord.

*An ordinance in San Francisco bans picking up used confetti to throw again.

*It's against the law in Atlanta, Georgia, to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

*It's against the law in Chicago to eat in a place that is on fire.

*In International Falls, Minnesota, it's against the law for a cat to chase a dog up a telephone pole.

*It's illegal to catch a fish while on horseback in Washington D.C.

*It's against the law to drive more than 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Blvd.

*Brawley, California, passed a resolution banning snow within the city limits.

*In Tennessee, it's illegal to drive a car while you're asleep.

*Anyone found underneath a sidewalk in Florida is guilty of disorderly conduct.

*It's illegal in New Jersey to slurp your soup.

*A Texas law states that when two trains meet at a railroad crossing, each must come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other is gone.

*It's illegal in Hartford, Connecticut, to kiss your wife on a Sunday.

*It's against the law in Kentucky to remarry the same man four times.

*In Marshalltown, Iowa, it is illegal for a horse to eat a fire hydrant.

*In Tennessee, it's against the law to shoot game other than whales from a moving car.

*It's illegal in Fairbanks, Alaska, for two moose to have sex on city sidewalks.

12. BEAR GREASE. Based on an interpretation of the second book of Kings,Chapter 2, in the Old Testament, the prophet Elisha tried to cure baldness by applying bear grease to his head. Bad news for bears: It was a popular remedy until the 16th century.

11. SNAKE SOUP. A popular remedy prescribed by first-century physicians: "boil snakes and rub the broth into the bald areas."

10. ESTROGEN. In the 1980's doctors found that the female hormone estrogen rubbed on a mans scalp could restore hair. Downside: It could also turn a man's voice from bass to soprano, reduce his libido, enlarge his breasts, and produce other female secondary-sex characteristics.

9. DOG PEE. From a pharmaceutical text in 17th-century Scotland came this recipe: "Wash the head with Dog's urine, and you shall not be bald."

8. HAIR IN A CAN. Invented in the early 1990's. GLH Formula #9, an aerosol-based dye with some polymers to frizz up the hair and thicken it. With the scalp dyed the same color as the hair, it gave the appearance of making balding men hair-bearing...at least on television.

7. THE "ZOO" TECHNIQUE. The Ebers Papyrus, the first known medical record, was written around 1500 B.C. and recommended applying a mixture containing "the fat of a lion, a hippopotomus, a crocodile, a cat, and a serpent to the bald area." Alternate suggestions: apply the "burned prickles of a hedgehog, fingernail scrapings, and a mixture of honey, alabaster, and red ocher."

6. FILING IT. A "remedy" used in the 1980's, "head-filing" was a treatment that involved slitting open the scalp and filing the tissue between the skull and hair folicles to thin membranes over the skull. This was supposed to "wake up the follicles."

5. "LOVE POTION". In the 1880's and 90's, French physician M. Vidal used cantharides (crushed insects better knows as the so-called aphrodisiac Spanish fly) applied to the scalp...His folmula combined the crushed bugs with acetic acid in a solution of 90% alcohol.

4. RUBBING IT RAW. A popular baldness treatment during the late 19th century was blistering (vesication) of the scalp. Irratating the area in this manner was thought to produce pooling of blood in the scalp (hyperemia), which provided more nourishment for the hair fillicles there.

3. POP CURE. Cosmetologist Rita Hartinger was the foremost practitioner of the "hair-popping" technique of hair preservation and regrowth in the 1980's. "When you lift the scalp from the bone structure by popping," she says, "it stimulates circulation and nourishes the tissue." A journalist described the sound: "as if a kernal of popcorn had exploded on the head."

2. SHOCK THERAPY. In the 1890's, a German doctor named Seeger recommended the application of frictional electricity to the scalp by means of a special plate. This was rubbed over a dry cloth or piece of soft leather and then over the bald areas several times a day.

1. THE COW LICK. In 1983 John Coombs of Wiltshire, England, was feeding his cow, Primrose, when dust from the feed settled on his bald head. As he bent to fill the trough, Primrose licked his scalp. Eight weeks later, Coombs wife noticed his hair returning. Coombs went public with his story, and people were soon lining up to get their heads licked by cows.

DORMITORY becomes... DIRTY ROOM

CLINT EASTWOOD becomes... OLD WEST ACTION

MOTHER-IN-LAW becomes... WOMAN HITLER

ELEVEN PLUS TWO becomes... TWELVE PLUS ONE

DAVID LETTERMAN becomes... NERD AMID LATE TV

WESTERN UNION becomes... NO WIRE UNSENT

THE COUNTRYSIDE becomes... NO CITY DUST HERE

ASTRONOMERS becomes... NO MORE STARS

DEBIT CARD becomes... BAD CREDIT

THE MORSE CODE becomes... HERE COME DOTS

CONVERSATION becomes... VOICES RANT ON

TOM CRUISE becomes... SO I'M CUTER

SNOOZE ALARMS becomes... ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

A GENTLEMAN becomes... ELEGANT MAN