At The Moment

How does one start their life anew?

After being comfortable and complete,

Now, uneasy and empty...?

 

One must surely be strong,

Which at the moment,

I am not.

 

How does one change their train of thought?

After loving how they lived,

And living by their thoughts...?

 

One must have a grand outlook on life,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one forgive themselves for being so blinded?

After being sure that what they saw, was pure,

And honest, and loving in every way...?

 

One must believe that life goes on,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one learn to listen to oneself when in doubt?

After putting complete trust into something,

Just to have it slip right out of their hands...?

 

One must learn the difference,

Which at the moment,

I have not.

 

How does one convince themselves to keep moving?

After being stunned into one, dark, sorrowful place?

After the death of all they know...?

 

One must feel a need to continue,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one learn to know the truth?

After being lied to for so long,

And feeling as if the world has ceased to care anymore...?

 

One must not be confused,

Which at the moment,

I am.

 

How does one begin to feel life?

After there is no life left to live for,

And the habit refuses to go away...?

 

One must want a change,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one live with the regret of blindness?

After choosing blindness for so long,

And never believing what was being perceived...?

 

One must walk the path of uncertainty,

Which at the moment,

I am.

 

How does one learn when enough is enough?

When they aren't ready to give up,

And reality seems to be nothing more than a dream...?

 

One must want a finalization,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one convince another of a mistake?

When the other never listens,

And does what they want anyway...?

 

One must be sure it is a mistake,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one know that another is honest?

When deceit seems to be the foundation,

And nothing seems to be the truth...?

 

One must look deeper for the truth,

Which at the moment,

I have tried...

 

How does one not lose their mind?

After being right about things for so long,

And now, there is no proof...?

 

One must seek out the truth, rather than dismiss it,

Which at the moment,

I do not know how...

 

How does one not go crazy?

After having gut-instincts and undesirable flashes,

And having yet nothing to go by...?

 

One must surely dig deeper for truth,

Which at the moment,

I can not...

 

Which...

At the moment,

I am lost.

I am saddened.

I am crazy and insane.

I am blamed for ignorance.

I am feeling unstable.

I am crying hysterically.

I am searching for the truth.

I am digging deeper.

I am making things worse for myself.

I am thinking obsessively.

I am not myself.

I am mad.

I feel like a fool.

And I cannot seem to stop...

 

Why?

Is this some sort of exaggeration from myself?

Should I be listening?

Should I act upon these feelings?

No, I have no proof.

I'll just be ridiculed for it without proof...

 

How does one not lose control...?